When we think of "Rescue," we imagine saving a loved from from eminent danger, like a fire or a rushing car! These are authentic rescues.
However, an Emotional Rescue is different.
It's a form of care-taking, a very insidious one, because it looks like love.
In the Emotional Rescue, there is always someone who is afraid to speak their truth.
The reason this form of rescue is dangerous is that it almost always looks like LOVE.
Here are some tell tale phrases:
"I was only trying to help."
"I didn't think he/she could handle the truth."
"I didn't want to hurt his/her feelings."
"I don't want to upset him/her...it's only a little thing."
It's better to keep the peace and let it go."
And, "I didn't really want to do that, but I did it out of obligation."
Of course, you get the idea. The person speaking is withholding their true feelings out of fear of repercussion. We call them the "Rescuer."
Their strategy renders the other powerless, stupid, and unable to act best in their own behalf.
We call them the "Victim."
The victim will often feel the power imbalance, feel hurt and angry, and will end up persecuting the Rescuer, sometimes on an unconscious level.
Study the triangle below on the left...it is often called the "drama triangle. We think it could be a circle as the positions are so fluid.
This an anatomy of a fight.
What are your "favorite rescues?"
We certainly have ours!
Become aware of them and see if you can stop them before they start.
Re-read the definition of "Rescue."
Allow your partner or friend the dignity of coming to their own solutions and solving their own mistakes.
Either wait to be asked for help or...
ask permission before giving advice or jumping in to take over.
Rescue is actually a kinky form of control, a one up/one down situation, in which no one is a powerful equal in the relationship.
CLUE: If you are Rescuing or being Rescued, a tell tale physical sign is what we call a "little glitch of resentment in your chest."
Pay attention, become aware of rescues, and head them off at the pass.
You will be well on your way to
"Creating Love That Lasts!"
Maeve and Orv Fry
WHO ARE MAEVE & ORV FRY?