Have you ever thought you were expressing a "feeling" to your partner, and they responded with anger, defensiveness or something out of left field?
And then you felt unheard and frustrated?
Maybe what you were expressing wasn't a feeling, but a thought, masquerading as a feeling.
We've heard this scenario thousands of times from our clients, over the years.
Here's how to tell if you are expressing a feeling.
A feeling is simply one word.
Happy, Lonely, Sad, Angry, Frustrated, Excited, Betrayed...
Get the idea?
You can add only one thing...an adverb like "very" or "extremely."
We don't lie about our feelings.
And it's always about us, not our partners.
When you share your feelings, you have the best chance of feeling heard and validated.
When you hear the words, "I feel like" or "I feel that"
what follows is a thought, not a feeling.
Here's an example.
I feel like we don't communicate well.
There is no feeling expressed, but an attacking statement.
Instead, say "I feel unheard and sad. Can we practice our communication skills? I want to feel connected to you."
Maeve and Orv Fry
WHO ARE MAEVE & ORV FRY?