Do you find yourself feeling hurt, angry or distant when your partner behaves in a certain way? Do you blame or criticize him or her for the way you were treated?
It must be their fault!
If only they would see your intentions were innocent.
Perhaps it's time to ask yourselves our master question,
"HOW DID I GET HIM/HER TO DO THAT TO ME.?"
That's right...that's were the gold is.
What in your behavior evoked that response?
What did you do to trigger your partner?
(You should see the look of confusion and bewilderment on our clients' faces when we ask them our master question.)
Perhaps you've heard the description of pointing your finger at someone, only to realize that three fingers were pointing back at you.
What has happened is that you were really innocent, doing what is automatic behavior for for you...following your life scripts.
We really never intentionally set out to ruin our partner's day, do we?
(And if you do, please seek out some professional help.)
But it happens...
including Orv and me.
The good news for us is that we recognize it, look to our own part in the disconnect,
and reconnect quickly back to love and support.
Now here is some really important news...
When we feel attacked or criticized,
As human mammals, we have two deeply automatic choices:
Fight or flight!
When we feel bad, we either retreat, stuff our feelings, only to later explode,
Or get into a fight and blame our partner.
So, before you criticize or blame your partner,
Ask yourself our master question:
What did I do to make him or her do that to me?
Oh yes, it really really helps to speak out loud to your partner
what you realized about yourself and your part in the transaction.
Commit out loud to being more aware in the future,
Keep eye contact, hold hands if possible.
You will be amazed at how much love you both will feel
And how connected you are.
And, isn't that what we all really want?
Maeve and Orv Fry
WHO ARE MAEVE & ORV FRY?