WE JUST CAN'T COMMUNICATE!
Have you ever heard this phrase or even said it to your partner?
In my 34 years of working with couples, I've heard it thousands of times. It's one of the most frustrating issues couples struggle with, and there's a great of truth to what they're saying.
Did you ever stop to think that women and men do, indeed, speak very different languages! Both sexes think we understand what the other is saying, but do we really??
Have you ever traveled to a country and didn't understand the "foreign language" very well? I believe this is a regular occurrence between men and women. After all, we're both speaking English aren't we? My answer is, well, yes and no. I believe we do speak English and men and women both have their own versions that I call "Women-ese" and "Man-ese". Most of the clients Maeve and I have worked with have not realized that there is, in fact, a difference.
I'll give you a simple example. Since many woman are trained not to ask for what they want, they will suggest or ask “around” a request, to avoid being turned down. For example, a woman might say to her man, "Wouldn't it be nice if the window was closed?” Now the man will hear the question and think he's responding to her question by saying, "Yes, that would be great." The woman may feel unheard or ignored since she was actually trying to ask her man to close the window for her. If she asked another woman, in the same way, the other woman would have understood and immediately closed the window.
What I really need from Maeve is a clear, direct and loving request so that I can give her exactly what she wants. I go nuts when I can’t figure out how to please her, if she’s not asking for exactly what she wants.
Man-ese is hard for Maeve to understand when she's helping me with a construction project. She's holding a bolt that I want her to insert into two boards that I'm holding, with the holes aligned for the bolt. I'll say, "OK, put the thing in the thing." Most men would know exactly what to do, but Maeve looks at me with this perplexed look on her face and most likely will say, "What do you mean?" It was clear to me and probably most other men, but I didn't communicate in a way that made sense to her. I think visually and figure she will do the same.
Want to learn a new language? Maeve and I are master communicators and can give you simple tools to learn each other's language so you'll be able to communicate to each other with whole new levels of understanding, connection and intimacy.
Maeve and Orv Fry
WHO ARE MAEVE & ORV FRY?